Monogamy Definition: a relationship structure in which sexual, romantic, and often other aspects of entanglement are limited to be between two people

Added context from Hanna & Lizzie:

Many people define monogamy in different ways, some stricter than others. Often confusion arises within the monogamous community regarding what behaviors constitute deviation from monogamy. Is flirting outside of a monogamous relationship nonmonogamous? Is having a platonic but intimate conversation with someone outside of your romantic relationship nonmonogamous? Is having a crush on someone outside your romantic relationship nonmonogamous? We do not claim to have answers to these questions, as how each monogamous individual defines monogamy can be deeply personal and should be communicated to their partner as explicitly as possible.

We want to be explicitly clear that our definition of monogamy as a limitation of entanglement is not meant to be derogatory towards monogamous folks in any way. Many people find security and joy in this limitation, and we believe humans can build beautiful relationships and lives while practicing monogamy. Further, as discussed in the energy section, humans can only be intentional about so much in their lives. Accepting the norm of monogamy frees up more energy to focus on other areas. For someone devoting their lives to a particular social justice cause, if a monogamous relationship preserves their energy at home to be instead directed toward liberating innocent people from prison, we would never suggest that energy be redirected toward an intentional personal, romantic relationship structure rather than freeing the wrongly accused. Further, monogamy can also be a healthy intentional choice for people who identify as truly monogamous by orientation.

In the United States of America, where the authors were raised and reside, monogamy is undoubtedly a norm. Mononormativity, a term coined by Pieper and Bauer (2005), refers to the societal norm of monogamy, much like heteronormativity refers to the societal norm of heterosexuality.

As with many norms, systematic processes have been implemented to accommodate, or perhaps even enforce, this norm. Legal structures like marriage and domestic partnership are restricted to be between two people in most states. When a child is born, a maximum of two parents can be included on the birth certificate (while it could be argued this is due to biology, it is worth noting that the listed non-birthing parent does not need to be a biological parent). Most employers only support adding one partner to an employee’s health insurance. Apple restricts partners’ photo sharing to be between two people. Taylor Swift screams to her fans on the Eras tour, “Please don’t be in love with someone else,” as though this might prevent anyone from loving her.

Monogamy is so normalized that we have never been asked, “Are you monogamous or nonmonogamous?” by someone we’ve met unless we bring up the subject first or are displaying behavior that implies we have more than one partner. Monogamy is simply assumed.

Because monogamy is a norm, we often inadvertently become educators for people we wish to engage with in nonmonogamy. Perhaps a subconscious goal of this work is to lessen our repeated efforts to inform people about nonmonogamy when meeting new people.